Here’s my first full draft of the lyrics for “Touch” (based on the Hoover Slam snippet), along with a player so you can hear the vocal melody through the first refrain. The rest of the lyrics fit the same melodic patterns, so you should be able to sing along with the entire song. It’s all one note per syllable, except the last syllable of the second and fifth lines of the verses, plus the word “side” at the end of the refrain, which are sung across two notes. The first “back” in stanza four is sung on an extra pickup note.
Thoughts? I’m wide open to your suggestions, but before you suggest a word-for-word substitution, try singing it to be sure it’s a good fit. I’m often forced to abandon a “perfect” line because it’s awkward to sing. Poets must have it easy.
Touch
©2010 Brian Hazard (ASCAP)
It’s only natural to demand
That I should free your captive hand
When we’re not seeing eye to eye
And when that thinly veiled contempt
Descends to open discontent
It’s positively justified
Casual facts, inaccurate claims
Apologies that won’t take the blame
When compromise is conquered by pride
All it takes is one touch and I’m back on your side
When sleeping with the enemy
There’s no “excuse me,” “thanks,” or “please”
It doesn’t pay to be polite
And in a twist of irony
Love is a liability
We must control our appetites
Back to back we’ve drawn our line in the sand
A house divided taking a stand
Emotionless like part of us died
All it takes is one touch and I’m back on your side
Forgiveness is a powerful word
To speak is not always to be heard
When talking leaves us unsatisfied
All it takes is one touch and I’m back on your side.
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
Brian, I think the lyrics are great. I think this would be a great song to have Michelle join in on. =)
In the interest of staying on schedule, I think she’ll have to give me the “silent treatment” on this one.
I am really excited about this song and I agree that Michelle should sing with you and you should try slowdancing to it. Awesome song! I’m going to spend some time trying to learn the words and melody so I can actually provide some feedback on the lyrics. But at a first glance, it’s still the soundtrack to my life. I like your punch line very much. That is what I have been saying all along.
Brian, you’re never going to believe this, but I also attempted to write a melody and lyrics to Hoover Slam since I liked it so much. When I couldn’t figure out how to download and loop your snippet I just put it on guitar and ran with it. The four chords at the beginning of Hoover Slam became the foundation for a very heartfelt country song that no man would ever want to sing! http://fairtilizer.com/track/manenough
I think it mutilated Hoover Slam beyond recognition by the time I was done, but I wouldn’t have even gotten that great start of a verse melody/progression without your snippet playing in my head as the soundtrack to my life on Friday night. =).
I like your idea of posting snippets for feedback and I’m so glad you turned me on to Fairtilizer. It lets you swap out the mp3 as you progressively make it better, but the link stays the same. So it’s a great way for die-hard fans (is that me now??) to listen to the continuous improvement as a song works towards its final arrangement. Of course, then you have to give up the surprise factor. Trade offs. All the things I have learned from working with you, and all the new directions you point me in, not even on purpose! Rock on, Brian.
heck yes…my favourite melody of the moment is taking shape….such a great journey
really do love the lyrics, matches the touching (no pun intended) delicate music very well. will the little twinkly noises from the original snippet make the cut too? (i have no idea how to describe the noises…there was the bass sound, but also a couple of more ‘whimsical’ sounds in the background)
I like the new song Britt! Wow, it has a lot of plays already. I’m flattered that my little piano ditty inspired you to write it. You’re welcome to borrow any elements of the song you want – the piano, the beat, whatever. Just let me know and I’ll get you files. More elements coming soon!
Interesting idea to swap out the mp3. I’ll probably just keep the snippet, this vocal melody sketch, and the demo clip I hope to present next week, all as separate files. That way if someone wanted to, they could follow the development of the album from start to finish on the site (it starts here).
John, those twinkly noises will most likely end up in the final version. Please disregard what you’re hearing behind the vocal melody. It’s just a temp loop for me to sing over. I like to have an abundance of elements prepared, including completed vocals, before laying out the arrangement.
Brian, love these lyrics but I couldn’t have been sure of that until I learned to sing them. It was really hard to learn, maybe because I didn’t hear you singing it first and it’s outside my vocal comfort zone. I’m sure my phrasing is different than yours. (I’m so curious how you phrased it!) I didn’t want to change the words, just elaborate on them.
Can’t wait to hear the bass, twinkly noises, all the things that will bring this song together. It is “touch”ing already, even without all the embellishments. Still the soundtrack to my life. “When talking leaves us unsatisfied…”
I recorded myself singing the lyrics so you could hear my suggestions for phrasing, emphasis, enunciation, etc. Just suggestions! I know I probably found the feminine edge of the song and don’t really have the voice for this style, but I’m hoping you can still find a couple nuggets in how I interpreted the words. The only one I’m really attached to is “you bring me back alive”. Because without that, I’m not sure the line before makes sense. I would love to hear how you would emphasize that aLIVE on your arrangement.
Track URL: http://fairtilizer.com/track/slowdance
The password is “sushi”.
And the lyrics I used:
It’s only natural to demand
That I should free your captive hand
When we’re not seeing eye to eye
And when that thinly veiled contempt
Descends to open discontent
It’s positively justified
Casual facts, inaccurate claims
Our apologies won’t take the blame
When compromise is conquered by pride
All it takes is one touch and I’m back on your side
I’m back on your side
When sleeping with the enemy
There’s no “excuse me,” “thanks,” or “please”
It won’t pay to be polite
And in a twist of irony
Love’s a liability
We must control our appetites
Back to back we’ve drawn our line in the sand
Though our house may be divided together we’ll stand
Emotionless like part of us died
All it takes is one touch and you bring me back alive
You bring me back on your side
Forgiveness is a powerful word
But speak it doesn’t always mean we are heard
When talking leaves us unsatisfied
All it takes is one touch and we’re back on the same side
Yeah I’m back on your side
Wow Britt! I’m thrilled and flattered that you sang the song! How often is a cover recorded before the original?
I actually want to take one more stab at recording my vocals before listening, because my musical ear is easily swayed, and I want to be able to mix and match with the takes I’ve already done. Of course, I may listen to your phrasing afterwards and decide that’s the way it MUST be. I really like “you bring me back alive” too.
Yesterday I wrote a little instrumental bridge to change up the progression. The arrangement just needs a little softening around the edges, and it should be good to go.
It’s just so dang good I couldn’t resist. But I have to say, having obsessively played it all week, I like it a little faster, say 85 bpm, with a reggae feel. =)
I listened this morning – very nice! You’ve got a funky little triangle groove there
. My phrasing is much more strict. The rhythm in the first stanza is sharp and pointed, where the second stanza is a broad legato. I’ve got full vocals recorded, but I’m not sure I’m 100% happy with them. I want to push myself to finish everything else first before revisiting though.
Heh, modern poets may have it easy, but try writing a three-part 100-canto epic poem in terza rima.