Comments on: lyric check: Song Named After a Girl http://colortheory.com/lyric-check-song-named-after-a-girl electronic indie piano pop Fri, 22 Apr 2011 05:17:00 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.2 By: Brian Hazardhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-song-named-after-a-girl#comment-571 Brian Hazard Thu, 13 May 2010 21:07:38 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=2095#comment-571 Hmm... or maybe "bonus points." I guess that was more what I had in mind. Hmm… or maybe “bonus points.” I guess that was more what I had in mind.

]]> By: Guyhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-song-named-after-a-girl#comment-570 Guy Thu, 13 May 2010 17:16:59 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=2095#comment-570 "I hope you appreciate the novelty When you calculate all the time wasted on me" may not make as much sense but I think it sounds better than "I get extra points"Or consider "I hope that I get some points for novelty When you calculate all the time wasted on me" I don't know, the "extra" doesn't quite fit for me. The rest of the song is very strong. “I hope you appreciate the novelty
When you calculate all the time wasted on me”
may not make as much sense but I think it sounds better than “I get extra points”

Or consider
“I hope that I get some points for novelty
When you calculate all the time wasted on me”
I don’t know, the “extra” doesn’t quite fit for me.
The rest of the song is very strong.

]]> By: Brian Hazardhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-song-named-after-a-girl#comment-569 Brian Hazard Thu, 13 May 2010 14:48:03 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=2095#comment-569 I changed the last two lines again this morning. I'm not sure if it translates well to German Thomas, but I think it's stronger and matches well with the following first line of the chorus, "I want to laugh it off." I changed the last two lines again this morning. I’m not sure if it translates well to German Thomas, but I think it’s stronger and matches well with the following first line of the chorus, “I want to laugh it off.”

]]> By: Brian Hazardhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-song-named-after-a-girl#comment-567 Brian Hazard Thu, 13 May 2010 03:00:39 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=2095#comment-567 Yeah, let's do "calculate." I updated the lyric.I appreciate all the suggestions Guy! Fwiw I was toying around with "notoriety" and "anonymously" for the end of first verse, but kept it simple with "undue fame." I like your dubious quasi-fame angle but I worry that it would conflict with those earlier lines. Plus the novelty factoring in thing justifies the preceding lines, which otherwise just sound like fake bravado. Or maybe I'm overanalyzing this. ;) Yeah, let’s do “calculate.” I updated the lyric.

I appreciate all the suggestions Guy! Fwiw I was toying around with “notoriety” and “anonymously” for the end of first verse, but kept it simple with “undue fame.” I like your dubious quasi-fame angle but I worry that it would conflict with those earlier lines. Plus the novelty factoring in thing justifies the preceding lines, which otherwise just sound like fake bravado. Or maybe I’m overanalyzing this. ;)

]]> By: Guyhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-song-named-after-a-girl#comment-566 Guy Thu, 13 May 2010 01:06:48 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=2095#comment-566 As an aspiring mathematician I cannot in impartiality comment on "factor in" and "calculate" as compared to any alternative. Heh. But actually I think that "think about all the time" sounds fine as it is. Maybe even "consider" could be an option to replace "factor in" if you felt like it.Hm, finishing on "wasted on me" brings it back to the bittersweet tragic Color Theory we love. :) What if instead of "novelty" it were saying something more to the effect of "enjoy this dubious quasi-fame as a souvenir" I don't have a lyric to do that with the right cadence and all. "Notoriety" keeps the rhyme "wasted on me" but is a syllable longer and would demand changing more of the line. "Fame" rhymes easily with "blame" but I'm not sure that's appropriate and you have used it already at the start so that's probably a no-go. As an aspiring mathematician I cannot in impartiality comment on “factor in” and “calculate” as compared to any alternative. Heh. But actually I think that “think about all the time” sounds fine as it is. Maybe even “consider” could be an option to replace “factor in” if you felt like it.

Hm, finishing on “wasted on me” brings it back to the bittersweet tragic Color Theory we love. :) What if instead of “novelty” it were saying something more to the effect of “enjoy this dubious quasi-fame as a souvenir” I don’t have a lyric to do that with the right cadence and all. “Notoriety” keeps the rhyme “wasted on me” but is a syllable longer and would demand changing more of the line. “Fame” rhymes easily with “blame” but I’m not sure that’s appropriate and you have used it already at the start so that’s probably a no-go.

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