Comments on: lyric check: Backseat http://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat electronic indie piano pop Wed, 18 Jan 2012 18:01:27 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Guyhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-459 Guy Tue, 30 Mar 2010 19:31:03 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-459 Heh, did I mention I'm reading "Les Liaisons Dangerouses" (in English) now? The straight and narrow path of virtue makes sense to me. Heh, did I mention I’m reading “Les Liaisons Dangerouses” (in English) now? The straight and narrow path of virtue makes sense to me.

]]> By: Brian Hazardhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-458 Brian Hazard Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:56:37 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-458 I confess I did a few vocal takes yesterday, so I'm less likely to change anything at this point. But wow, I love that poem!I don't want to try too hard to shove everything into a driving metaphor. It starts to feel forced. I feel okay introducing it in the middle of the second verse and riding it out - so to speak! ;) As long as the central image (keep me in the backseat of your mind) makes sense and is sufficiently reinforced, I'm happy to be a bit vague. And I think "virtue" is an important word to introduce, as it hints at the moral context of the situation. I confess I did a few vocal takes yesterday, so I’m less likely to change anything at this point. But wow, I love that poem!

I don’t want to try too hard to shove everything into a driving metaphor. It starts to feel forced. I feel okay introducing it in the middle of the second verse and riding it out – so to speak! ;) As long as the central image (keep me in the backseat of your mind) makes sense and is sufficiently reinforced, I’m happy to be a bit vague. And I think “virtue” is an important word to introduce, as it hints at the moral context of the situation.

]]> By: 907Britthttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-457 907Britt Tue, 30 Mar 2010 16:34:46 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-457 Strongest line is the tightest dress. Explains a lot! I also like sneak a peek now, baby. I think details like that convey entire paragraphs of information about the characters in the song.Two parts I think are weak are the line about the bullet and the one directly after. They are both vague and there is not enough room in the song to expand on them. Here are a couple ideas but I was having trouble figuring out the melody so I couldn't sing them to make sure they fit, more just conceptual.I've always been the one who got away You weren't up for a high speed chaseNo double-yellow to line our path You couldn’t afford the aftermath, still The rear-view mirror tends to draw the eye So sneak a peek now baby, don’t be shy(the double-yellow could be anything else, just thinking of a road-related detail to line your path. I think the virtue/straight/narrow discussion is too vague).For some reason this reminds me of a poem from my favorite book of poetry, Twice Removed by Ralph Angel, from your neck of the (non)woods. He uses so few words and yet says so much because details like the dull thud of windshield wipers explain everything.THERE WAS A SILENCEand then a greater more unnerving will to laugh out loud,a slashing rain and then that moment in traffic when the dullthud of windshield wipers wholly isolates you,when into a corner booth the raised eyebrows of evening glimmer in our knowing,photographs are taken— you still feel dirty. Strongest line is the tightest dress. Explains a lot! I also like sneak a peek now, baby. I think details like that convey entire paragraphs of information about the characters in the song.

Two parts I think are weak are the line about the bullet and the one directly after. They are both vague and there is not enough room in the song to expand on them. Here are a couple ideas but I was having trouble figuring out the melody so I couldn’t sing them to make sure they fit, more just conceptual.

I’ve always been the one who got away
You weren’t up for a high speed chase

No double-yellow to line our path
You couldn’t afford the aftermath, still
The rear-view mirror tends to draw the eye
So sneak a peek now baby, don’t be shy

(the double-yellow could be anything else, just thinking of a road-related detail to line your path. I think the virtue/straight/narrow discussion is too vague).

For some reason this reminds me of a poem from my favorite book of poetry, Twice Removed by Ralph Angel, from your neck of the (non)woods. He uses so few words and yet says so much because details like the dull thud of windshield wipers explain everything.

THERE WAS A SILENCE

and then a greater more
unnerving will to laugh out loud,

a slashing rain
and then that moment in traffic when the dull

thud of windshield wipers
wholly isolates you,

when into a corner booth the raised
eyebrows of evening glimmer in our knowing,

photographs are taken—
you still feel dirty.

]]> By: Brian Hazardhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-452 Brian Hazard Tue, 30 Mar 2010 02:50:53 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-452 Good stuff - thanks guys!Guy, you may be right about the careless bullet line, and your substitution makes a lot of sense in the context of the song. Still, I like the idea of me being the bullet, and bouncing back into her life in a dangerous way. Maybe the metaphor is a tad obscure. Good stuff – thanks guys!

Guy, you may be right about the careless bullet line, and your substitution makes a lot of sense in the context of the song. Still, I like the idea of me being the bullet, and bouncing back into her life in a dangerous way. Maybe the metaphor is a tad obscure.

]]> By: Valskihttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-451 Valski Tue, 30 Mar 2010 02:06:05 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-451 I really like the beginning before the refrain - very heartfelt and straightforward. The sound may smooth the edges, but I'd work more on the refrain, and the ending. I really like the beginning before the refrain – very heartfelt and straightforward. The sound may smooth the edges, but I’d work more on the refrain, and the ending.

]]> By: Guyhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-449 Guy Tue, 30 Mar 2010 01:16:55 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-449 "The careless bullet tends to ricochet" is the weakest line - it doesn't fit the imagery of the rest of the song and it's not clear how it relates to the story. That's the one that was supposed to end in "right of way"? "I've always been the one who got away, But you still granted me the right of way?" Lots of things you could replace in the first three syllables and "granted/granting me the right of way" - bet you've tried them all already.I like the last verse, it's a nice self-contained scene with neat plays on words. “The careless bullet tends to ricochet” is the weakest line – it doesn’t fit the imagery of the rest of the song and it’s not clear how it relates to the story. That’s the one that was supposed to end in “right of way”?
“I’ve always been the one who got away,
But you still granted me the right of way?”
Lots of things you could replace in the first three syllables and “granted/granting me the right of way” – bet you’ve tried them all already.

I like the last verse, it’s a nice self-contained scene with neat plays on words.

]]> By: Thomashttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-444 Thomas Mon, 29 Mar 2010 19:22:55 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-444 Hi Brian, though I'm not that good in singing playback ;) I really love this stuff. Nice Melody, good lyrics and a very great chorus! Wonderful!Thomas. Hi Brian, though I’m not that good in singing playback ;)
I really love this stuff. Nice Melody, good lyrics and a very great chorus! Wonderful!

Thomas.

]]> By: Brian Hazardhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-446 Brian Hazard Mon, 29 Mar 2010 17:42:52 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-446 I agree Jason. I was also trying to squeeze "right of way" in there but couldn't force it. I decided not too write about all the "baggage in the trunk." ;)Thanks all for the kind words! I agree Jason. I was also trying to squeeze “right of way” in there but couldn’t force it. I decided not too write about all the “baggage in the trunk.” ;)

Thanks all for the kind words!

]]> By: Jasonhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-445 Jason Mon, 29 Mar 2010 17:30:17 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-445 Something about a "backseat driver" would seem appropriate. Something about a “backseat driver” would seem appropriate.

]]> By: René Scholzhttp://colortheory.com/lyric-check-backseat#comment-443 René Scholz Mon, 29 Mar 2010 16:23:43 +0000 http://colortheory.com/?p=1934#comment-443 Cool sound Brian ;) I am curious like it itself with text listens at the end :-) Greetings René ;) Cool sound Brian ;) I am curious like it itself with text listens at the end :-)
Greetings René ;)

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