Color Theory

Lyric check: A Safe Distance

by Brian Hazard on April 5, 2010 · View Comments

I literally just finished these lyrics, based on the Prozac snippet (in fact, I’ve already made a couple revisions after copying and pasting here). I’m not even going to bother creating an audio snippet with the vocal melodies, because it’ll be too confusing with all the subtle variations in meter.

While word-for-word suggestions are welcome, what I most need to know from you is: Does the story make sense? Can you visualize the scene? Does any particular phrase throw you off?  What could I do to make it more clear?

A Safe Distance
©2010 Brian Hazard (ASCAP)

I recall the first time you caught me dining alone
At a restaurant on the third floor
You sat down across from me with a bottle of wine
Shook my hand and started to pour
Then opened the window to the music below
A theater under the stars
We shared our life stories and a view of the stage
Falling in love from afar

Though it feels like they’ve played out the same act a million times
A routine struggling just to keep from falling asleep reciting their lines
You say this is the way we’re meant to enjoy the opera
At a safe distance

We’ve met at this table now ten years in a row
To see the same opera performed
Recreating the scene down to the slightest detail
The night our tradition was born
Attendance is low but still the show must go on
The participants gossip offstage
The waiter assures us that the wine is the same
I guess it gets bitter with age

Though it feels like we’ve played out the same act a million times
A routine struggling just to keep from falling asleep reciting our lines
Still it makes me happy
I love you at a safe distance
I’ll always love you at a safe distance

  • http://www.colortheory.com Brian Hazard

    Is “participants” confusing? I’m referring to the actors/singers/whatever you call them in opera! I almost went with “Thespians” but decided it was a too artsy. “Performers” is the obvious choice, but it doesn’t fit with the meter.

  • Caius

    I followed the story just fine, and like it. It seems like a lot of words, so I’m curious to see how it’ll fit the music. I see what you mean about “participants,” though I figured that’s what you meant. Would “singers” fit? That’s probably the most common term in that context, to the point where they say “singing the part of…”

  • Caius

    I guess it’s a little more of a stretch, but if it’s a better fit, you could try “musicians.”

  • http://www.colortheory.com Brian Hazard

    Thanks Caius, but “musicians” is metrically equivalent to “performers” – three syllables with the accent in the middle. “Singers” actually wouldn’t work either. I need a three syllable word with the accent on the first syllable, or a four syllable word with the accent on the second. “Participants” is working for me more and more.

  • http://www.syntheticast.com Patricia Gnipper

    The story makes total sense, I could visualize the scene perfectly, even though I don´t speak english very well. Now I’m very curious to hear the music (when it´s done!).

  • http://www.Provision-Musik.net Breye 7x

    I really love what you’ve done so far. Your work is always very thought out and inspiring. My issue is that I try to sing the lyrics in my head as if I had music to go with it and I don’t. Ever since we did our last album “The Consequence” I look at everything in a producers view now. If I could hear it in a demo form with the music, I might have suggestions; because I could hear the dynamics you intend to use in the delivery of your vocals and the placement within the structure itself.

    On a side note, your website and the method of interactivity here is simply amazing. But coming from you Mr. Hazard. I should be surprised. ;)

  • http://www.colortheory.com Brian Hazard

    Thanks Patricia, thanks Breye! I actually did include melodic audio samples for the last couple lyric checks, but decided against it this time. So yeah, I can see how that would definitely help! I’ll stick with it from now on.

  • http://www.colortheory.de Thomas

    I just can repeat: again very good lyrics. I like the lines and even the story they told us.
    It seems we’re getting older now, Brian. In our twenties this would be a Rock-Concert, now it’s an Opera ;)

  • Jason

    Brian,

    I love the story in the lyrics. The scene you are trying to convey comes across very clearly!

  • http://www.colortheory.com Brian Hazard

    Actually Thomas, I went to a lot more operas in my twenties than I do now! :)

    Thanks again for all the input! I think the lyrics are a go. I’m going to try a few takes this afternoon.

  • http://www.colortheory.com Brian Hazard

    I felt I could do better than my first set of takes, so I tried again today. I changed every “from a safe distance” to “at a safe distance.” It just seemed to flow better. Does that change the meaning to anyone?

  • http://www.colortheory.de Thomas

    Just want to let even the german fans know, that I translated the Lyrics for the new album (maybe).
    You can read them here: http://www.colortheory.de/wordpress

    Hope it could help!

    My favorite lyrics so far are:
    A Safe Distance
    Too Close
    Backseat
    Touch

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